WIP it Wednesday: That's enough Little One

I am pleased to be here again today to share a snippet from my next book "Savannah Rebels" it is the second book in the Savannah series but can also be read alone.

You can get the first book Savannah's Surrender here:

Savannah Rebel's tells the tale of Hilton and Savannah's first low since they began  practicing domestic discipline.

Hilton was very proud of Savannah's progress.  She very rarely broke any rules and there was hardly ever any need for punishments anymore. So, when Savannah did mess up a little bit he decided to go easy on her and let things slide from time to time.

  Savannah was grateful for the reprieve at first but in time she grew insecure with the loss of tight boundaries. Eventually she became resentful and she began to rebel.

Can Hilton reign Savannah back in?

Will Savannah submit to be led again?

The following is an unedited erotic scene form the book:

“That’s enough, Little One,” I said pulling her up by her hair. “I want that naughty ass of yours bent over the end of this bed,” I instructed as I led her, hair still in hand. Once there I pushed her gently and she fell into position. “What a naughty girl you are,” I said warming her bottom with a fresh blanket of spanks.

She was more turned on than I had ever seen her before. I spanked and she raised her bottom to my hand wanting more. I rubbed my long hard shaft over her soaked slit and entered her forcefully. She yelled out, “Oh Hilton, Please.”

“Please what? Baby Girl,” I answered her.

“Please, fuck me,” she moaned.

Teasing her I penetrated her slowly. The pink plug peaked out from between her cheeks. Her channel was so tight with her ass filled. Testing her even more I put pressure on the plug as I fucked her and she moaned loudly. She didn’t resist. “Play with that pussy while I fuck you,” I commanded.

Her hand quickly found her mound and began rubbing furiously. I pulled on the plug and began working it in and out of her tight bud while I penetrated her front slowly with the same rhythm. Soon she shuttered and lay lifeless over the end of the bed while her juices soaked my cock. The plug slid from her bottom to the floor. I left it there. Once her breathing slowed, I grabbed her hair and hammered my shaft into her wet slit forcefully until I exploded myself and then I collapsed over her, all my energy spent.  

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WIP IT UP WEDNESDAY

This is my first time participating in the WIP blog hop but I am pleased to be here today to share a snippit into my next book "Savannah Rebels" it is the second book in the Savannah series but can also be read alone.

You can get the first book Savannah's Surrender here:

 

 

Savannah Rebel's tells the tale of Hilton and Savannah's first low since they began  practicing domestic discipline.

 

Hilton was very proud of Savannah's progress.  She very rarely broke any rules and there was hardly ever any need for punishments anymore. So, when Savannah did mess up a little bit he decided to go easy on her and let things slide from time to time.

 

  Savannah was grateful for the reprieve at first but in time she grew insecure with the loss of tight boundaries. Eventually she became resentful and she rebelled.

 

Can Hilton reign Savannah back in?

Will Savannah submit to be led again?

 

 

In this scene Savannah lashes out at Hilton and he decides that enough is enough.

  “You know what Hilton just do whatever you want,” I hissed. “I’ve handled our money for years and we never had these issues. Doesn’t seem to matter though. You never listen to me.”  I turned to storm away and he grabbed my arm tight. “I’ve had enough Savannah,” he yelled. “You will not talk to me that way! Do you understand me?” he said as he pulled me over his lap. Before I even knew what was happening he was landing hard swats on my tight covered bottom. “Stop Hilton! Your hurting me,” I cried as I squirmed to get away. I felt his fingers reach for my waist band to bare my bottom I yelled “Nooooo” and fought to stand and he let me go.

 I ran into the bathroom and locked the door before sliding down the wall sobbing uncontrollably. He let me get away. I wasn’t even worth the fight.

 He followed me and tried to open the door. He told me to let him in but I just continued to sob.

In time he forced it open. I looked up at him though my tears to see him staring at me shaking his head. He turned around closed the door and walked away.

 Abandoned, unloved, not worth it, a failure. Those were the thoughts behind my wails.

I couldn’t even understand the feelings I was having myself. I couldn’t ask Hilton to, could I?

 

 I didn’t want him to let me go. I wanted him to make me stay, even spank my thighs until I stopped fighting like he used to when we first started DD. I wanted him to calmly talk me through the punishment like he sometimes did when I was struggling. I could hear it in my head. “It’s ok Savannah. It’s almost over. Be a good girl and take your spanking. You know you earned it and we will both feel better when it’s over. Only 10 more.  Count them for me. Good girl.”

 

Instead he let me go, found me sobbing and turned around and walked away. It felt final, like I had broken the last straw. I wondered where he went. I thought maybe he just left. He had left me before. I obviously wasn’t worth staying for.

 

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It's only a feeling...

feeling: an emotional state or reaction.

 

Once upon a time a few years ago a good friend of mine taught me a very important lesson about feelings that I had forgotten about until just recently.

 

I came across this post https://quietlysurrendering.wordpress.com/2015/05/05/when-it-all-began/ written by Kate over at Quietly Surrendering recently and the lesson came back into memory and hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

Jordan and I had been having a really good streak. He was leading I was following and life was good, like really good, until we had a minor disagreement. It was over something silly but it "hurt my feelings" and instead of just getting over it I held on to the hurt. I distanced myself and Jordan let me. We didn't turn to what DD had taught us to do and that night we found ourselves going to sleep like this...

 

 

Instead of our normal...

 

or



The next day we continued to be cold toward one another. Jordan didn't text me on and off all day like he usually does, he didn't kiss me when he got home from work, that evening we had conversation with the kids but not one another, he didn't touch me in passing or when I climbed into bed that night and he fell asleep without me again.

 

Soon I found myself sobbing in bed like this:

 

 

 With Jordan snoring next to me oblivious to my distress.

 

I laid there with my brain running wild. Thinking that Jordan didn't love me and he must not want DD anymore because we were going to bed angry for the second night in a row and that our marriage couldn't survive if we went back to living this way. I couldn't live feeling unloved all the time or with someone who could turn their love on and off like a light switch. My mind went on and on. The tears continued to fall and I cried myself to sleep feeling like things between Jordan and I were awful.

 

Thankfully the next morning I came across Kate's post which stopped my rapid downhill spiral before I said anything hurtful to Jordan about any of these "feelings" I was having like I sometimes do when things "feel" this way.

 

 

 

The post reminded me that "it's only a feeling, feelings pass". That very important lesson my friend once taught me.

 

 

 

I felt unloved but if I had thought about it rationally I knew Jordan loved me very much. I made a mountain out of something silly. I needed to let it go which I did. I apologized. Jordan came home, he was loving and I felt as if everything was going to be ok again.

 

 

 



 

Have you ever let your feelings run wild?

 

Update

 

I wanted to share the great news with all of you... I submitted, my first book, "To Love Honor and Obey...." to a publisher.  Jordan and I are anxiously awaiting their thoughts. I invite you to enjoy a small sneak peak.

To Love Honor and Obey..., tells a tale of a married couple, Hilton and Savannah Fields, who are enduring some marital discord.

Hilton walked out on Savannah over six months ago. After numerous attempts to resolve their issues on their own with no progress Hilton decided it was time to call it quits. Savannah was too stubborn and she wasn't going to compromise on anything.  He was ready to file for divorce.

Savannah was devastated. She wanted her husband back but she wasn't going to let him tell her how and what to do. She talked Hilton into trying Christian marriage counseling believing that the pastor would surely take her side.

Savannah and Hilton are both shocked when Pastor James suggests that they adopt a Domestic discipline lifestyle. The pastor recommends that Hilton starts spanking Savannah’s bottom if she disobeys or becomes disrespectful. He ensures them that Hilton gaining control of Savannah and his home will quickly end their discord.

Will Hilton spank Savannah? Can Domestic Discipline save their failing marriage?

Now I was having second thoughts. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was even getting myself into. The last few times I had seen Hilton his new air of authority had been both frightening and surprisingly arousing. His bossiness was sort of sexy and his promises of consequences really thrilled me at times.

 

 Now it was going to be for real though…  it was not just "threats" anymore. According to the “new” Hilton they were never threats anyways. He said they were promises.

 

 The thoughts of real punishments didn’t seem to have the same appeal to me as the fantasies. Tomorrow Hilton was going to put actions behind all those threats… or promises as he would say.  Thinking about having my bottom bared and spanked thoroughly didn’t seem sexy at all anymore.

 

 I was nervous to say the least. I signed a contract. I agreed to allow Hilton to discipline me as he saw fit. Not only spankings… discipline…. The contract included corner time, loss of privileges, writing lines and bedroom time too; basically any punishment that my husband saw fit.

 

 To get things started, tomorrow night, Hilton’s first night back home, I was getting an initiation spanking. A spanking to wipe away all the wrongs of the past and a preview of what I was in for should I choose to break the rules in the future.

 

 

We are very excited and book #2 is in progress :)

 

 

 

 

 

I also wanted to take some time to introduce you all to an author that I have come to know a little bit and really enjoy. Mrs. Caia Fox :)

 

 

 

 

I came across her books after I joined Kindle Unlimited. I was searching for Domestic Discipline stories which I enjoy reading and found her book Discipline & Desire.

 

 

I read it.. loved it... and read everything she had out and continue to read her new releases. I really enjoy her writing style and her naughty tales.

 

I found her blog and reached out to her by email. I've enjoyed chatting with her and trading ideas and tips. For those of you who enjoy reading spanking stories I highly recommend checking out her books. Visit her site http://caiafox.com/. Join her mailing list for a free story and receive notifications when she has new releases. For those of you with Kindle Unlimited... Great news! You can read all of her books for free.  Happy Reading :)~

 

Beware

Reading may cause excessive heat and wetness!

 

 

 

 

 

Last but not least I have enjoyed reading many questions and answers this month. It has been great to learn more about all of you! Now.. I invite you to ask questions to get to know more about Jordan and I. Ask away...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Easier Said Than Done

Good News… I’m still here, still hanging on, still reading and still doing my best to submit. As most of you know Jordan and I have taken discipline/consequences off the table. The hard part... he still wants the HOH / submissive status to stay the same.

 

After the hurt and anger settled down, I promised myself and God that I would do my best to be the submissive wife he called me to be regardless of our Dd status. 

 

 

Making the decision to submit is...

 

 

I would estimate that I gracefully submit/ lean in (as Meredith would say) about 50% of the time.

40% of the time I would guess that I lean in after a warning glare or verbal warning.

The other 10% of the time Jordan moves forward ignoring the misstep with the obvious expectation that the misstep will not happen again anytime soon.

The crazy thing is there is no real threat behind the warnings/glares anymore. There is no more worry about getting spanked or sent to the corner or  getting my phone taken away “ the worst lol 

:)~ "

Just knowing that if I don’t lean in Jordan will be disappointed in me has usually been enough to get me to do the right thing and I’m very proud of that.  

I’m ashamed to say that that 10% of the time… I usually feel frustrated, bitter.. even resentful and I respond with sassy, disrespectful and sarcastic remarks. I’m only human…. These are the times that in the past I would be spanked! Thankfully, despite the lack of formal consequences, I still have a “know better” than to push beyond that point.  Not exactly sure what would happen if I did but I don’t really want to find out... yet :)-

The best news of all is that Jordan did notice that I am still trying hard to be obedient and submissive towards him. He even said that he is very proud of me and he really appreciates it!!!

 

 

There have been spankings but only erotic ones. I can’t help but wish they were real:? Not a punishment but a reminder that Jordan is HOH and (Jordan’s favorite phrase) I need to just do what I’m told… when I’m told… and that I’ve been a “Good Girl”! I want him to spank harder/ longer than I’m comfortable with and when I beg him to stop I want him to exert his dominance and say when to stop is for him to decide.

I think what I’m wishing for is role affirmation or reminder spankings. So many of you in blog land say you don’t spank for punishment but when I read your posts and you’ve been spanked to me it seems as though it is very similar to punishments. Can you help me understand the difference?

 

PS: I’ve been reading through some of the list of the blogs started in 2014 and it is discouraging that so many bloggers have disappeared after experiencing issues in their TTWD/Dd journeys. Despite our rocky road I plan to stay… Why? Because I want to be real, I want people to have a place to read to see that others have survived their same struggles… I need to prove that in time it will all work out. Special thanks to the bloggers who have put their hard times out there because I can attest that reading that I’m not the only wife and Jordan’s not the only husband who have weathered these storms really helps. Especially those of you who have overcome them.

 

 

 

Happy 2015 to each and every one of you!!!

 

So... Now what???

I’ve been sitting here staring at my blank screen with tears streaming down my face trying to decide “Now What???”

As most of you know DD has been a rocky road for Jordan and I. We’ve stopped and restarted a few times… For me honestly it has been more of a source of disappointment and hurt than good. The only thing I don’t regret is implementing DD to serve as a reunification tool after our separation.

DD brought us back together after things seemed unrepairable. We were able to love again when our “in love” had been lost. Unfortunately I embraced the concept much more than Jordan did and time and time again we’ve battled inconsistency and lack of ownership and effort.

Two days ago…. I revoked my consent to DD. For once it wasn’t during a time of punishment when I decided to quit because I’ve been there done that and Jordan doesn’t allow that to happen. For some time now I’ve attempted to reach out to Jordan to communicate about DD; to discuss if he even wanted this because it didn’t seem like he did. I tried a fellow bloggers idea of journaling. He didn’t acknowledge it. I tried texting… he gave vague responses or ignored those texts completely. I tried conversations and he didn’t respond. I offered reading material to “help” him understand. As far as I know it was never read.

Eventually defeated… broken… I decided to protect myself, my heart, from further pain and disappointment and ended, I believe for the last time, our DD agreement.

Jordan confessed he just wasn’t comfortable spanking for discipline. In the past he has expressed his displeasure in feeling like he is parenting another child. He doesn’t want DD. That is clear…. But I do:/ So Now What?

I am hurt and angry. I feel vulnerable…  like I put my heart out there and it has been trampled.

I insisted that without DD he speak to me as an equal and not attempt to control what I do.

That has presented a problem… Can you ever go back to the way life was before DD after living it???

We’ve been doing this for almost two years. Every time we quit we’ve quickly resumed. Jordan has become accustomed to being respected and obeyed and I’ve become accustomed to respecting and obeying… checking in… considering what he would want me to do… asking first. He wants that to continue.  He doesn’t like me doing as I please. But that’s what he wanted isn’t it?

It feels wrong in a way to suddenly think independently and do my own thing. Somewhat because I’m used to Jordan leading… but there is a bigger nagging feeling. The whole foundation of our DD relationship was to use DD as a tool to help us assume the roles God intended for husbands and wives; for me ‘the wife’ to submit to my husband and for him ‘the husband’ to lead our family. So can I submit simply because that’s what God, as a wife, has commanded me to do? Do I have the self-discipline to submit without the threat of spankings or punishment?

Honestly I think I can… it is what Jesus would want me to do… but right now I don’t want to. I don’t feel like he deserves my obedience and I know that is awful… sinful.

Jordan wants to continue with erotic spankings. I asked him not to. I just want to close this chapter. If I could erase it.. I would! But… he did it anyways. Just last night… and it felt amazing and I loved it… but I wish I didn’t.

As far as the blog goes, I spent a lot of time thinking about whether to just gracefully disappear or stay honest and here I am bearing my soul. I guess, in hopes that somewhere out there, there is another lady going through the same thing and if nothing else she will know she is not alone.

Love Our Lurkers Day 2014

Thanks for visiting during our Love Our Lurkers Days 2014 :)

I honestly do love my Lurkers. Despite the few comments each post receives, blogger allows me to see that hundreds of people view each and every post. That makes writing worth it :)

So Lurkers get your bottoms out there and say hello. If you have a blog tell me.

 I would love to visit it :)

If your feeling really brave ask me a question or

tell me a topic you would like me to blog about :)

Thanks again for visiting <3

Attitude Day #6...

 

 

 Attitude day #6 was apparently the last straw....

 It was last Saturday. We did the normal run the kids around to sports busy morning thing and then for once, something very unusual, we didn't have any other plans for the day.

 I was excited to spend the day at home.

However, Jordan had other plans... he wanted to shop for some winterizing items he needed to seal up some of the drafts we get in our old home.

I didn't want to go with him.

                        #1 I was happy to have a day to spend at home.

                        #2 It wasn't anything I wanted to shop for.

                        #3 Jordan had said something that really hurt my feelings earlier that day.

 
Somehow  that afternoon we had gotten on the subject of DD. (never a good thing for us... always ends up in an argument) Jordan was fussing about me still not doing something I was really procrastinating on. Earlier that week he spoke to me about it also. I had told him I just lacked the motivation to get it done and asked him to “help” me get motivated. He said, I will give you tasks to do. You do them and you will be rewarded... You don't you will be punished. Perfect:) Ecstatic I agreed immediately.   

The week continued on. Jordan never assigned any "tasks", I didn't bring our agreement up and the task was left undone.

 Saturday Jordan decided he was going to scold me about it. He teased that I just want him to tell me what to do and for him to “make” me do it. He said, "Your an adult I shouldn't have to tell you what to do. You know what needs to be done!"

His words hurt. I thought he had been serious about our agreement earlier that week.... Apparently not. What he said was the truth. That is what I want. Unfortunately he didn't understand why I would want/need that. Tears sprung to my eyes. I didn't argue with him though... I just continued on with my day... acting as if everything was ok.... feeling broken.

Not long after that incident, Jordan was telling me to get ready, we were going shopping.

I told him I didn't want to go. Even told him he had hurt my feelings... Which he ignored of course... he probably didn't even have any idea how he hurt my feelings... and insisted we were going.

Reluctantly I complied and together as a family we went to multiple stores looking for what we needed. I was distant but respectful..... Until…. he insisted I try the middle seat in his new truck. He wanted me to sit close to him. I refused. Reminding him he had hurt my feelings.  

"How?" he asked looking at me as if I was crazy.  "Now I said slide over here!"

 I was angry now... he should know why my feelings were hurt.

 
I ignored the warning glares... the repeated commands... but not the "I will deal with you later!"

"No... You won't," I hissed. "I'm an adult!!! Remember that Jordan!!!!"

The remainder of the ride home was silent.

I regretted what I had done. I was ashamed that I had defied Jordan... especially in front of our children. We try to set a positive example of what a Godly marriage looks like and I failed miserably.

There was no doubt in my mind that attitude day #6 was going to be the end of our "Off" streak. I was in trouble. Big trouble and it wasn't going to be for my attitude.

I was right. That night before bed I was punished. We both felt better afterword's. We reconnected. All should have been right again.

I read a post on Learning Domestic Discipline this week, Inconsistency vs Priorities,that made a lot of sense to me. A lot of times Jordan doesn’t punish for things that I think he should so I think he is being inconsistent. But… there are certain things that I know without a doubt I will be spanked for. So maybe it isn’t inconsistency… maybe it is a difference in opinion of what constitutes a spankable offence.

I wish Jordan understood/respected my reasoning for wanting/needing DD better. I wish he read my blog and the stories I write (after all they are a clear look inside my heart and mind) but this is a new lifestyle for him, one that he isn’t as educated about or as concerned about as myself. I asked him for this and I will try to be grateful for each step in the DD direction that he takes us.

So far, since the punishment, he has taken on a much more HOH’y tone and fortunately for me I like it:)-