Good News… I’m still here, still hanging on, still reading
and still doing my best to submit. As most of you know Jordan and I have taken discipline/consequences off the table. The hard part... he still wants the HOH / submissive status to stay the same.
After the hurt and anger settled down, I promised myself and God that I would do my best to be the submissive wife he called me to be regardless of our Dd status.
Making the decision to submit is...
I would estimate that I gracefully submit/ lean in (as Meredith would
say) about 50% of the time.
40% of the time I would guess that I lean in after a warning
glare or verbal warning.
The other 10% of the time Jordan moves forward ignoring the misstep
with the obvious expectation that the misstep will not happen again anytime
soon.
The crazy thing is there is no real threat behind the
warnings/glares anymore. There is no more worry about getting spanked or sent
to the corner or getting my phone taken away “ the worst lol
:)~ "
Just knowing that
if I don’t lean in Jordan will be disappointed in me has usually been enough
to get me to do the right thing and I’m very proud of that.
I’m ashamed to say that that 10% of the time… I usually feel
frustrated, bitter.. even resentful and I respond with sassy, disrespectful and
sarcastic remarks. I’m only human…. These are the times that in the past I would be spanked! Thankfully, despite the lack of formal consequences, I still have a “know better”
than to push beyond that point. Not
exactly sure what would happen if I did but I don’t really want to find out... yet
:)-
The best news of all is that Jordan did notice that I am
still trying hard to be obedient and submissive towards him. He even said that he is very
proud of me and he really appreciates it!!!
There have been spankings but only erotic ones. I can’t help
but wish they were real:? Not a punishment but a reminder that Jordan is HOH
and (Jordan’s favorite phrase) I need to just do what I’m told… when I’m told…
and that I’ve been a “Good Girl”! I want him to spank harder/ longer than I’m
comfortable with and when I beg him to stop I want him to exert his dominance
and say when to stop is for him to decide.
I think what I’m wishing for is role affirmation or reminder spankings. So many of you in blog land say you don’t spank for punishment but when I read your posts and you’ve been spanked to me it seems as though it is very similar to punishments. Can you help me understand the difference?
PS: I’ve been reading through some of the list of the blogs
started in 2014 and it is discouraging that so many bloggers have disappeared after
experiencing issues in their TTWD/Dd journeys. Despite our rocky road I plan to
stay… Why? Because I want to be real, I want people to have a place to read to
see that others have survived their same struggles… I need to prove that in
time it will all work out. Special thanks to the bloggers who have put their
hard times out there because I can attest that reading that I’m not the only
wife and Jordan’s not the only husband who have weathered these storms really
helps. Especially those of you who have overcome them.
Happy 2015 to each and every one of you!!!
