Over the last few days I’ve done some soul searching. I’ve prayed, done some reading and bible study and a lot of thinking about “Now what?”
Despite our big blow up last week, life has remained pretty stable. Jordan has continued to lead. He has continued to expect respect and obedience and I’ve been obedient at times and disrespectful at others.
Although I am still hurt and deeply disappointed the brunt of these feelings have begun to fade. My anger has calmed and my focus has changed from “getting him back… revenge” to what should I do now.
The thing that struck me the post as I read trying to find an answer was this…
Another piece I read compared marriage to a business. Someone must be the boss. Someone must have the authority to have the final say. A business with more than one CEO will result in many quarrels due to differences in opinion. That’s what it is all about. Although I know Jordan has the last say, I am competing with the boss and rebelling against his God given authority.
So, my decision is this… I will do my best to do what I know is right. I will obey Jordan and submit to his authority to the best of my ability. Submission is a choice and I will try my hardest to make that right choice each day.
I’ve decided not to discuss this with Jordan at this point. Instead I’ve chosen to make a sincere attempt at submitting and when he notices or brings it up I will explain myself. At that time I hope to also tell Jordan that I will leave the option to discipline open. I will leave it up to him to decide if he chooses to bring that aspect back into our relationship.
Thank you all for your support and your honesty. Your sometimes gentle other times blunt encouragement to continue to submit to Jordan was much needed an appreciated <3