Good News… I’m still here, still hanging on, still reading
and still doing my best to submit. As most of you know Jordan and I have taken discipline/consequences off the table. The hard part... he still wants the HOH / submissive status to stay the same.
After the hurt and anger settled down, I promised myself and God that I would do my best to be the submissive wife he called me to be regardless of our Dd status.
Making the decision to submit is...
I would estimate that I gracefully submit/ lean in (as Meredith would
say) about 50% of the time.
40% of the time I would guess that I lean in after a warning
glare or verbal warning.
The other 10% of the time Jordan moves forward ignoring the misstep
with the obvious expectation that the misstep will not happen again anytime
soon.
The crazy thing is there is no real threat behind the
warnings/glares anymore. There is no more worry about getting spanked or sent
to the corner or getting my phone taken away “ the worst lol
:)~ "
Just knowing that
if I don’t lean in Jordan will be disappointed in me has usually been enough
to get me to do the right thing and I’m very proud of that.
I’m ashamed to say that that 10% of the time… I usually feel
frustrated, bitter.. even resentful and I respond with sassy, disrespectful and
sarcastic remarks. I’m only human…. These are the times that in the past I would be spanked! Thankfully, despite the lack of formal consequences, I still have a “know better”
than to push beyond that point. Not
exactly sure what would happen if I did but I don’t really want to find out... yet
:)-
The best news of all is that Jordan did notice that I am
still trying hard to be obedient and submissive towards him. He even said that he is very
proud of me and he really appreciates it!!!
There have been spankings but only erotic ones. I can’t help
but wish they were real:? Not a punishment but a reminder that Jordan is HOH
and (Jordan’s favorite phrase) I need to just do what I’m told… when I’m told…
and that I’ve been a “Good Girl”! I want him to spank harder/ longer than I’m
comfortable with and when I beg him to stop I want him to exert his dominance
and say when to stop is for him to decide.
I think what I’m wishing for is role affirmation or reminder spankings. So many of you in blog land say you don’t spank for punishment but when I read your posts and you’ve been spanked to me it seems as though it is very similar to punishments. Can you help me understand the difference?
PS: I’ve been reading through some of the list of the blogs
started in 2014 and it is discouraging that so many bloggers have disappeared after
experiencing issues in their TTWD/Dd journeys. Despite our rocky road I plan to
stay… Why? Because I want to be real, I want people to have a place to read to
see that others have survived their same struggles… I need to prove that in
time it will all work out. Special thanks to the bloggers who have put their
hard times out there because I can attest that reading that I’m not the only
wife and Jordan’s not the only husband who have weathered these storms really
helps. Especially those of you who have overcome them.
Happy 2015 to each and every one of you!!!
Lillyanna,
ReplyDeleteWow......... when another blogger quotes you, you feel your influence. It would be hard to not have a final consequence of a discipline spanking, but I think many want things to be smooth way before the ride gts bumpy. It is in those bumpy times, the the couple communicates needs and desires and things begin to fall into place. Email me if you want to talk more.
Meredith
Hi Meredith, I think it is safe to say that Jack and yourself are a very admired and influential couple in blog land. Your posts are mature and insightful and I always enjoy reading there. I hope you are correct that working through the bumps will lead us to a smooth place:)
DeleteI have no blog as of yet but many bumps in our journey have I weathered! Carry on.. Your courage is an inspiration to others... Wishing you all the best : )
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting Kristin :) This Dd journey is much harder journey than I ever anticipated! I'm glad you are weathering your storms and not being defeated by them. Be sure to let us know if you decide to share your journey and start blogging:)
DeleteHey lady. Well you know from reading our blog that we have been all over the map and back again. I will tell you that the times when I find it difficult to hold my tongue or whatever, I think of a quote I read long ago before starting ttwd actually, " in your relationship be an asset not a hindrance" Yup self guilt bomb.
ReplyDeleteNow to answer your question. For *us* punishments are swift . They don't last nearly as long as a reset. I say reset because Barney spanks when he sees I am becoming distant or my submission is slipping but I haven't been disrespectful. They are different than reminder or just because spankings too. The reset takes my edge away, and breaks down the walls I am constructing. Resets bring me back to him. They are LONG and the pain lasts into the next day usually. I know this sounds more like a punishment to some. But punishments in his mind are to show he disapproved. Most punishments come from disrespect or small infractions. I don't know what would happen if I did something dangerous. Anyway resets are every bit as painful as punishments but the emotions surrounding them are different. He will often tell me how proud he is of me during it. How well I handled certain situations. One time he even told me how happy he was that I had found new like minded and positive friends online! LOL. He reminds me to trust him...etc. Punishments have very little talking and he uses the cane only for punishments. Barney never uses his hand ever. It is paddles or whatever other evil thing he has created for resets, but never the cane. So that is the difference for us. R/a or maintenance spankings are basically the same as a reset with the exception of my mind set. In my mind my heart is still submissive. These spankings don't happen very often..LOL.
willie
Hi Willie, Thanks for sharing the differences in your types of spanking in your dynamic! The cane for punishments... Ouch:/ I think it is similar to the tilt wand and I definitely don't miss that!!! It has been awhile since you've updated us about what's happening with you... let us know:)
DeleteBeen there done that with the tilt wand...for me NOT the same at as as the cane....just an FYI...LOL
DeleteWell I guess I don't want to get to know a cane then... I'm a baby with the tilt wand!!!
DeleteWe are working on this very issue ourselves. He currently feels that punishments for infractions, while not morally wrong , are outside his comfort zone of the usual tone of relationship, and need to be very rare.
ReplyDeleteI, however, feel the need for regular experience that he is in charge -- and not just by him making the decisions. I want to FEEL it through my body in my spirit. A spanking beyond my deciding its end, beyond my comfort zone -- for R/A, not punishment -- that fits the bill. We keep talking. He is endeavoring to understand that this is his gift -- the safe place to surrender, the safe place to lose control, the safe place to be fully feminine and vulnerable, all in the context of love and trust. This is a GIFT! He's trying to wrap his mind around it, and to experiment with how his expressing his masculinity in this way for me may help me to grow in my femininity and my submission.
He stands in for God, as an icon through which to see and experience God, and one of those great needs of our hearts is to experience his sovereign power and choice exercised in his very love for us individually. We learn to trust God in the tough things by surrendering to our husbands in these symbolic spankings, which are so meaningful precisely because they are so real -- as long as they are intended by our husbands to convey the message, "I'm in charge, and I love you. You can trust me."
Dear Anonymous, thanks for commenting! Our beliefs are very similar and we want to feel the same kind of love security and safety. I wish you the best on your journey. God bless♥
DeleteLillyanna,
ReplyDeleteI struggle with advice because I think we all just have to kinda figure it out for ourselves and I never want to come across like I have it all figured out, because I certainly don't. The only thing I can tell you is to stay the course, keep trying to be submissive and try to communicate. I think a lot of men feel the same way as your husband, I know mine did. It just took a lot of time and talking, and everything evolved eventually. I'm holding out hope for you.
Our RA/stress spankings are few and far between, a little less intensity as punishment and lots of encouragement..if that makes sense. Maybe he would be more comfortable with those, they might help you to feel his leadership and his guidance, but maybe he wouldn't feel like it was a punishment.
Hugs
Hi Jennelle:) I've brought back the topic of "real" spankings besides punishments including RA spankings. Hopefully he will ponder the idea and we can talk about it. I like the "lots of encouragement" part:)
DeleteHi Lillyanna, I think it is great that you two do communicate so well and that you still strive to be obedient and submissive. This is definitely not always easy, though from what you write I can only admire how well you cope.
ReplyDeleteIn your replies you mention that you have asked about the ‘real’ spankings, and I can fully understand that. :) Spankings have done a lot of good for us, and I missed this throughout 2014.
But I am fully with Jennelle, in the end whatever you do should only be what works best for you, whether this includes punishments like spankings, or not. I think the most important bit is that you talk and discuss how your relationship should be, according to your wishes, so that you find a way that leads to happiness for the both of you. … And from what I understood, you are doing that. Lovely.
hugs
Nina
Thanks for stopping by Nina:) I'm glad your back to spankings. I know the pregnancy was a long stretch without them. How did you do with submitting without the threat of a spanking? If I remember correctly you used some nonspanking punishments instead.
DeleteI am also very glad that I have spankings back. If you have something like loss of privileges, loss of tv, mobile, cornertime and other things like that, it works, because we wanted it to. But I did find it so much more difficult and I think it also added a little to my moodiness now and then. Maybe this is not too important, because hubby added a fair share of leniency too, but I felt something was amiss all the time. Now, with the first pleasure and punishment spankings behind me I feel much more cared for than without and that makes me content and happy. So, nonspanking punishment worked, but I found them much harder to endure. But that is only what I felt and it could be completely different for you! I simply hope you find the best way for you.
Deletehugs
Nina
Thanks for sharing Nina. I feel like alternitive punishments as you mentioned such as corner time and loss of privileges don't create the feeling of reconnection and feeling loved taken care of and forgiven like spankings do. It will all settle itself out for us I'm sure:)
DeleteHi Lillyanna -
ReplyDeleteThis might be the first time I have commented on your blog and I what a great honest post to begin with.
I believe communication is key in any relationship and twice as much in a relationship that incorporates the domestic discipline dynamic into it. Keep the communication going. So what is wrong with you bringing up that you want a maintenance spanking now and again? It appears you have brought it up in the past and he opposed it, but there is no harm in expressing your feelings again. Another way of explaining it is similar to date night. A couple needs date nights now and again (especially couples with kids) in order to rekindle, reconnect and reset - and maintenance spankings work much the same way.
It isn't easy, but keep at it.
Best,
Enzo
Thanks for commenting Enzo:) We are working on improving our communication skills. I have expressed my needs and desires again recently.... we are taking baby steps:) We will get there! I appreciate your support.
Delete