Saturday night my bad attitude earned me a punishment spanking. Once again I totally sucked at submitting to it. Jordan was beyond frustrated afterwards. I asked for this. I wanted him to lead me... to lead our family. I agreed to him spanking me when I get out of line, but when the time comes I panic.
I got the spanking even though I fought it the entire time. When it was over I knew it wasn't effective; so did Jordan. He was angry and he said, "You need this and I will spank your ass every time you misbehave but until you do your part and submit to your punishment it will never help."
WOW!!! Those words gave me a lot to think about.
Yesterday I spent sometime soul searching and internet surfing looking for some answers... some clarification to the truth about what Jordan had to say and I came across a great article. Read it yourself here
After reading the article I had a better understanding of what Jordan meant. It is his responsibility to lead and provide correction when needed but I have a responsibility too. My responsibility is to completely submit to each punishment once he has determined that it is needed.
* Instead of attempting to get out of the spanking, I need to apologize for what I did to deserve it and sincerely feel remorseful.
* Instead of defying him when he tells me to undress or to get into position, I need to obey him willingly.
* Instead of feeling panicked when it is time to be punished, I need to take deep breaths and relax. I need to remind myself that Jordan would never hurt me and remember just how much my bottom can really take without any lasting damage.
* Instead of trying to get away and protect my bottom from the spanking, I need to concentrate on why I am being spanked and how I can avoid it in the future.
* Instead of feeling angry after the spanking, I need to allow him to comfort me and forgive me like he wants to.
* Instead of complaining about the spanking afterwards, I need to thank him for it.
Easier said than done when your bottom looks like this after the spanking!!!
But I will try harder and next time when he reaches his hand out to lead... I will be strong enough to follow<3