Monday, August 4, 2014

The Submissive's Role During Punishment Spankings


Saturday night my bad attitude earned me a punishment spanking. Once again I totally sucked at submitting to it. Jordan was beyond frustrated afterwards. I asked for this. I wanted him to lead me... to lead our family. I agreed to him spanking me when I get out of line, but when the time comes I panic.

I got the spanking even though I fought it the entire time. When it was over I knew it wasn't effective; so did Jordan. He was angry and he said, "You need this and I will spank your ass every time you misbehave but until you do your part and submit to your punishment it will never help."

WOW!!! Those words gave me a lot to think about.

Yesterday I spent sometime soul searching and internet surfing looking for some answers... some clarification to the truth about what Jordan had to say and I came across a great article. Read it yourself here

After reading the article I had a better understanding of what Jordan meant. It is his responsibility to lead and provide correction when needed but I have a responsibility too. My responsibility is to completely submit to each punishment once he has determined that it is needed.

* Instead of attempting to get out of the spanking, I need to apologize for what I did to deserve it and sincerely feel remorseful.

* Instead of  defying him when he tells me to undress or to get into position, I need to obey him willingly.

* Instead of feeling panicked when it is time to be punished, I need to take deep breaths and relax. I need to remind myself that Jordan would never hurt me and remember just how much my bottom can really take without any lasting damage.

* Instead of trying to get away and protect my bottom from the spanking, I need to concentrate on why I am being spanked and how I can avoid it in the future.

* Instead of feeling angry after the spanking,  I need to allow him to comfort me and forgive me like he wants to.

* Instead of complaining about the spanking afterwards, I need to thank him for it.

Easier said than done when your bottom looks like this after the spanking!!!

But I will try harder and next time when he reaches his hand out to lead... I will be strong enough to follow<3


  1. Lillyanna,
    Submitting is key to making ttwd/dd work. Promise yourself to do this and things will fall into place.

    1. I know Meredith and I want to but I get all panicky... I'm really going to try harder but when the time comes I'm worried I will continue with my fiesty ways:/

  2. You know what I discovered about myself, prior to any spanking I would get angry. I figured out that it was the adrenaline coursing through me to deal with the upcoming pain. It had nothing to do with Barney. Don't get me wrong there were times I was still angry with Barney because I thought he *made* me angry and then I was disrespectful ( yeah I know stupid reasoning).

    My first rule ever was " no spin doctoring". He told me I could always talk circles around him and he didn't want to have to do a verbal battle before a spanking. I try very hard with that one *wink*. So I understand the trying to talk your way out of it. Maybe try just keeping quiet at first- not so much focusing on the sorry etc. One step at a time ( says the feisty queen).

    That is quite the list for yourself. I am not entirely sure I could tick off all of those things, but what I can and do do is talk to my husband about why I react the way I do at times. I let him know it isn't about challenging him ( always anyway).

    One other thing you might want to look at is the anger thing. There are several stages many of us go through during a spanking. For a long time Barney would leave me in the 'anger' stage. It basically goes back to the adrenaline thing for me, but others describe it differently. I can't remember if you do r/a or not, but there was a time that we weren't really doing much of that and I was getting punished. For *me* punishments don't always 'bring me back' to my husband. They stop the slide down the hill of disconnect, but they don't always reconnect us. Often we needed more verbal/dominance outside in order for me not to be resentful at spanking time, or we needed more r/a spankings in between- with less emotions surrounding the spanking.

    Please don't be so hard on yourself. Most of the women I know, have a difficult time submitting at times- especially mentally. The physical usually comes easier. The mental is the one that causes more damage if it isn't happening. Remember we are ALL works in progress!

  3. Oh, how well I know the panic feeling. Oddly, I am a spanko, and when it is erotic, I can take much more than when it is in punishment. It's the mind set. It is the ultimate authority, and it sometimes frightens me. The Man will hold me and talk to me, assure me that I am going to be fine, we are going to be fine. It's that fight or flight response. I have to remind myself that he would never truly harm me. Punishment is so much harder because I feel the crushing weight of having disappointed him, and I am angry with myself for failing.

  4. Lillyanna, I'm sorry I have been remiss in commenting here lately. I understand the panic. Please don't be so hard on yourself, submitting to a punishment spanking isn't easy.

    I wonder is there much of a conversation/lecture beforehand so that the reason for the spanking is understood and does Jordan also reassure you? Also aftercare. Both I think are vital and may help, especially with any feelings if anger.

    As always, communication is key. Talk to Jordan about your reactions and why you think you react that way.


  5. I understand completely. Lately Zeke has been testing my submission and I've been terribly lacking. Very often I try to take control in a spanking situation even maintenance...instead of trusting him and letting him lead. I need to work on this too.

  6. It took me a long time, and many whacks on my hands, to learn to keep my hands away from my rear end when being spanked... And that was when I was willingly submitting as a masochist!!! Keeping that same discipline now is very hard, I have to have a stranglehold on a pillow to resist moving away or covering my butt with my hands.

    It does get easier, but it also takes a lot of will power and learning. Best of luck.