Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Easier Said Than Done

Good News… I’m still here, still hanging on, still reading and still doing my best to submit. As most of you know Jordan and I have taken discipline/consequences off the table. The hard part... he still wants the HOH / submissive status to stay the same.
After the hurt and anger settled down, I promised myself and God that I would do my best to be the submissive wife he called me to be regardless of our Dd status. 

Making the decision to submit is...
I would estimate that I gracefully submit/ lean in (as Meredith would say) about 50% of the time.
40% of the time I would guess that I lean in after a warning glare or verbal warning.

The other 10% of the time Jordan moves forward ignoring the misstep with the obvious expectation that the misstep will not happen again anytime soon.
The crazy thing is there is no real threat behind the warnings/glares anymore. There is no more worry about getting spanked or sent to the corner or  getting my phone taken away “ the worst lol 
:)~ "
Just knowing that if I don’t lean in Jordan will be disappointed in me has usually been enough to get me to do the right thing and I’m very proud of that.  
I’m ashamed to say that that 10% of the time… I usually feel frustrated, bitter.. even resentful and I respond with sassy, disrespectful and sarcastic remarks. I’m only human…. These are the times that in the past I would be spanked! Thankfully, despite the lack of formal consequences, I still have a “know better” than to push beyond that point.  Not exactly sure what would happen if I did but I don’t really want to find out... yet :)-

The best news of all is that Jordan did notice that I am still trying hard to be obedient and submissive towards him. He even said that he is very proud of me and he really appreciates it!!!

There have been spankings but only erotic ones. I can’t help but wish they were real:? Not a punishment but a reminder that Jordan is HOH and (Jordan’s favorite phrase) I need to just do what I’m told… when I’m told… and that I’ve been a “Good Girl”! I want him to spank harder/ longer than I’m comfortable with and when I beg him to stop I want him to exert his dominance and say when to stop is for him to decide.

I think what I’m wishing for is role affirmation or reminder spankings. So many of you in blog land say you don’t spank for punishment but when I read your posts and you’ve been spanked to me it seems as though it is very similar to punishments. Can you help me understand the difference?


PS: I’ve been reading through some of the list of the blogs started in 2014 and it is discouraging that so many bloggers have disappeared after experiencing issues in their TTWD/Dd journeys. Despite our rocky road I plan to stay… Why? Because I want to be real, I want people to have a place to read to see that others have survived their same struggles… I need to prove that in time it will all work out. Special thanks to the bloggers who have put their hard times out there because I can attest that reading that I’m not the only wife and Jordan’s not the only husband who have weathered these storms really helps. Especially those of you who have overcome them.
Happy 2015 to each and every one of you!!!