Monday, September 22, 2014
So, a few days after the "fall out" Jordan announced that we would "fix" things tonight.
After the kids had been sleeping for a bit I asked Jordan if he was ready to talk.
"What is there to talk about?" he questioned. "We are going to clear the air. Take your bottoms off."
Not what I expected! I thought we were going to talk about things. I made a split second decision to obey Jordan. (Typically he has to tell me many times before I obey :)- I've been trying to get better about that!) I took my pants and panties off. "Turn over." Thinking I was going to get a spanking, I obeyed. "Good girl." (I love when he says that :p) I heard Jordan rustling around in the toy drawer. I assumed he was retrieving an implement.
Next I felt his hand rest on my bottom. I instinctively clenched in anticipation of the first spank. Instead I felt cool lube being poured on my crack. I wanted things to be better. I didn't want things to feel tense anymore. So, I didn't resist as I typically do. I felt him rub our small rubber plug up and down my split. "Good girl Lilly. Take a deep breath in.." and I felt the burn of the plug fill me. Then I thought either play time or spanking would come next. Jordan patted my bottom over the plug and said, "stay put."
Jordan returned to his side of the bed and proceeded to watch TV. A bit confused I did my best to be still. It felt like he left me that way for a long time. I'm not sure exactly how long it was. It felt almost like corner time to me. Besides position it was almost the same. Remaining in position exposed in front of my HOH until he gave me permission to move. I spent the time reflecting on what had gotten us to this point and what I could do differently in the future to prevent it from happening again.
When Jordan was ready he moved to my side. "You are going to get ten lashes to Clear The Air and reset us. Be a good girl. Be still and count each strike."
Jordan spanked but not hard. Even with the tilt wand it was a very light spanking. Done with the 10 strikes he rubbed and spanked with his hand heating me up before bringing his hard cock to my wanting mouth. I sucked him eagerly while he swatted my bottom and played with the plug.
Nearing his peak Jordan positioned me over some pillows and took me forcefully from behind.
The remainder of the night was spent snuggled tight with the air cleared and our world righted again.
Here's to hoping it stays that way! Thank you all so much for your support and encouragement during our rocky period. Life won't always run smoothly... this I know <3
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
I find myself in a dark place this morning. I'm feeling emotionally raw.
Sunday afternoon Jordan said I was getting a spanking. It had been awhile since my last punishment spanking and I felt the familiar feeling of spiraling out of control. I was no longer submissive. No longer obedient. No longer respectful. The spanking was way over do. Things had been going down hill for days. I had been growing resentful that Jordan was ignoring it. Two spankings had already been promised that week but never carried through. But, when he said I was getting a spanking along with the familiar feeling of dread I felt an overwhelming since of relief.
I should have known better.
Not wanting to make the spanking any worse I behaved myself for the rest of the day.
I didn't really think about the spanking much until the kids were in bed. Then I knew it was coming soon. I mentally tried to prepare. I psyched myself up about trying to obey Jordan's commands. To get into position and stay in it. To not resist.. because I knew I needed it.
Jordan knew I was getting anxious. Even joked about me watching his every move. "Nervous about something Lilly?" He teased.
The time clicked on. It got late. Jordan turned off the lights and the TV and snuggled into me to go to sleep for the night.
At first I just laid there. Tears rolling down my face. I got angrier as the time past and pushed his hands off of me. He put them back... I took them off... he put them back and I got out of bed and grabbed my stuff to leave the room.
Jordan didn't allow me to go. "What's wrong Lilly?' he questioned sounding annoyed. As if he didn't know! He made me tell him. "What's wrong is that your making a joke out of something that is very serious and important to me," I said through my tears.
"I don't understand Lillyanna. How can you be upset that I didn't spank you?" "After I told you that you were getting spanked you straightened up, so I let you slide."
"But not anymore!!! You've got ten lashes."
"I don't want to do this anymore!"
"Pants off! Get over the pillows."
"I'm not letting you spank me! I'm done with this!"
"You don't want to do this anymore every time you are in trouble. Get into position or I will put you there and it will be 15!"
I didn't move.
Jordan wasn't kidding. He yanked by pants down and "helped" me into position.
"I want you to count each one. Do you understand?"
I didn't answer.
"I don't hear you!" Whack right between my bottom and start of my thighs.
"One" I said.
Jordan gave me all 15 but I was so angry I barely even felt them.
I got up right away. Pulled my pants up and got into bed on the very edge of my side and stared at the wall.
Jordan left me alone.
It has been two days and I still have a heavy heart... Jordan is acting normal like nothing ever happened. In his mind it was taken care of. In my mind it isn't. I'm distancing and I can't help it. I'm just trying to protect my heart. I really don't want to want to do this anymore! Sometimes the pain of disappointment and inconsistency are just too much to bear.
Every time I feel like Jordan understands... I'm quickly reminded that he really doesn't and I'm not sure he even wants to...
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
For the last several months I've been working on a book, To Love Honor and Obey. I decided that I was going to write a book and submit it for publishing. Now I've decided maybe that isn't such a good idea... I participated in one Saturday Spankings Hop. Overall I actually got good feedback. Even some helpful feedback such as not using Jordan and Lilly as the names of the characters (even though the book is based on "our" story) it is not entirely accurate and using our names complicates things. So now the names are Hilton and Savannah. I've grown to like them :) The problem is.. I am no English major. I'm having some issues with "Tense" and dialogue. I'm also feeling so inferior after visiting so many authors and really paying attention to the way they write and not necessarily the story itself. So, I've kinda put the book on the back burner.
Today I was writing a post for the blog about a recent trip off the right track that I had and it quickly turned into a story. Over three pages in fact. So my question for you guys is.... To Write or Not to Write?
I'm going to post the story I wrote today. It is about Jordan and I. I wrote it from his point of view. If you have the time... read it. Offer constructive criticism if you have some. But most of all let me know if this kind of thing is something you would like to read. Because, this is how I write. Thanks to all of you in advance:) Warning it does contain explicit sexual content. If that offends you please stop reading now.
Somehow things had gotten off track. Lilly’s submissiveness and respect were sorely lacking. I wasn’t sure exactly what had happened to cause her derailing but I knew that I had to get Lilly back on board.
I knew she was a little stressed, back to school week was always hard for her. She hated to let the kids go. I was sure not feeling well for a couple of days didn’t help the situation either but regardless, there was no excuse for Lilly’s sass and disrespectfulness.
I tried to be the nice guy and give warnings. First the stern look. Then the comment “Twister?” followed by “Your on thin ice Lillyanna Rose…” and even a pulled pony tail with a few firm swats to her clothed bottom in the kitchen after a particularly sarcastic remark. Nothing had worked. I knew what I needed to do but I really didn’t want to do it.
Lilly’s last punishment spanking had resulted in a purple bruised sore bottom. It hadn’t been my intention to mark her that way but when she refused to submit she earned double the strikes I had planned. Twenty strikes with the twister was an obscene number. It had started out at ten. It was a similar situation to this actually. Lilly had simply gotten off track. A firm spanking always did the trick so I decided 10 whacks were sufficient to rectify the situation. But when the time to spank came… Lilly refused to get into position, earning herself five additional strikes. The threat of the additional strikes still didn’t convince her to move so again I warned her if I had to physically put her in position I would add an additional 5 strikes. Lilly didn’t budge so I physically positioned her and she resisted the entire time. True to my word I brought the wand down twenty times, making her count each one, from mid bottom to the top of her thighs. We got through it but it was not something I ever wanted to have to repeat. Actually since I saw the bruising I had been reluctant to spank again. I had let things slide for far too long now though and Lilly was quickly slipping out of my control.
I knew Lilly should have learned her lesson the last time and this time when I scolded her and ordered her to get into position she should quickly comply to avoid additional strikes. But… I know Lilly… I would tell her to bend over the side of the bed and she would stand there and look at me pleading with her big blue eyes for me not to follow through and punish her. She would stand there until the stakes were raised so high she had to move and the spanking would become much more intense than I intended it to be.
I thought about it all day. I wanted to do something different this time. I didn’t want to give her the chance to disobey me and I came up with a plan.
That night, like every night, Lilly put the kids to bed and then met me in the bedroom. She found me sitting on the edge of the bed which is not unusual. I opened my knees and held out my arms to her indicating I wanted her to come to the edge of the bed and stand between my knees for a hug. We did this often. I would hold Lilly tight and she would rub my neck and back. It was a safe move for her so I knew she would comply.
As usual I hugged Lilly and she began rubbing. I started talking to her about her attitude. “Lilly, I don’t know what has gotten into you. You are not the boss around here! I am and I will not tolerate your disrespect…” She stiffened a bit but continued massaging and I let my hands fall to her bottom and caressed gently as I lectured. “I don’t want to have to punish you but you aren’t giving me a choice,” I continued. “I’ve given you several warnings over the past few days and you have ignored them,” I said tightening my legs so she was trapped between my knees exactly where I wanted her. Now she did not have the chance to disobey. “Now you’re going to get your bare bottom spanked.” I lowered her pajama pants and panties as I spoke and turned her to the side. “Please don’t do this Jordan. I promise I will be good!” she begged as I guided her over my knee.
Her upper body rested on the bed and I positioned her bottom high on my lap. I gently rubbed her cheeks helping her to unclench them and relax. “Be a good girl Lilly, you know you need this,” I whispered. As her cheeks softened I eased her thighs open a bit to improve my view of her pussy. My hand wandered lower between her legs and as expected her lips were wet. I rubbed the full length of her slit and she moaned.
I began spanking with my hand steadily increasing the strength of each strike. As I spanked harder Lilly began to squirm and try to protect her bottom. I landed some harsh swats to her thighs trying to cure the problem. “This is just your warm up Lillyanna Rose. You lay there and take your spanking like a big girl and you will be rewarded continue resisting and you will be punished more,” I instructed.
Being the stubborn brat Lilly can be she continued fighting. Little did she know I had stashed some things right beside me under my pillow.
“You were warned!” I said and I poured some lube down her crack. “No Jordan! Please don’t. Not that!!!,” she cried clenching her cheeks tight. Yes this I said rubbing my finger down her lubed slit. “If you continue resisting I will use this,” I said showing her the new large plug that I recently purchased. Lilly gasped and her cheeks relaxed allowing me to gently probe her puckered hole. Sufficiently relaxed I teased her pussy with our small plug fucking her in and out before moving the plug to her bottom and inserting it.
I continued hand spanking her now plugged ass and Lilly remained still. No squirming or guarding. My large plug threat was effective. Sufficiently warmed up I retrieved the leather paddle and conducted the punishment part of the spanking. When Lilly bottom was evenly reddened, I gave each of her sit spots a rapid 10 whacks. I wanted her to feel the spanking when she sat down for the next several days. Having a sore bottom kept her respectful and submissive which is exactly what I wanted.
Lilly had tolerated the remainder of the spanking very well. She had attempted very little movement and her attempt at guarding her bottom form the paddle had resulted in having her bottom fucked by the plug. No further guarding occurred after that.
The spanking was over and I caressed Lilly hot cheeks and dipped down to her pussy. She was dripping wet and my finger slipped gently inside. Sex wasn’t usually a part of our punishments but hey, rules are made to be broken. After all Lilly had been a pretty good girl and taken her spanking well so she deserved a reward.
I stood her up. “Bend over the pillows,” I commanded. Lilly eagerly complied. There she was bottom thrust up, legs spread, pink plug peeking out from between her bright red spanked cheeks and a glistening wet swollen pussy. I had to fuck her.