Wednesday, April 29, 2015

W is for Words of Afirmation

Have you ever heard of The 5 Love Languages?

This is a great book if you have never read it. It explains that we usually try to show love to others the ways we most want to be loved. Discovering your spouses love language enables you to intentionally love them the way they feel most loved.

Jordan's love language is words of affirmation.

Words of affirmation: to verbalize your feelings of love, affection and appreciation to your mate. If your mate is the kind who loves compliments, chances are they take criticisms hard as well.

It is very important that I am careful with what I say to him. Kind words really build him up, but unkind words really knock him down.
is a great tool to use when "Thinking before you speak."
My love language is physical touch.
Jordan is very touchy feely with me. He always touches me in passing wheatear it is smacking my butt, a quick hug, tugging on my hair or just a gentle touch on the shoulder he touches me. At night he spoons me with one hand on my bottom when we go to sleep. In the car he often rests his hand on my leg or holds my hand. While watching TV I often lay my head in his lap. While walking we hold hands.
The first thing Jordan does when he is mad at me is, he stops touching me. It doesn't take long for me to figure out that he is upset about something but the lack of touch makes me feel unloved very quickly:/

Do you know you love language? Do you know your spouses?
If not you can find out here.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

V is for Voice


:to give utterance or expression to; declare; proclaim: to voice one's discontent.

Sometimes it is assumed that women in domestic discipline marriages have no voice. At least for me anyways, that is far from the truth.

For me DD means I choose to pick my battles. If there is a decision that needs to be made that I feel strongly about my voice will be heard.

Routinely, Jordan asks and values my opinion on decisions that need to be made.

In our contract I consented to Jordan always having the final say. Sometimes I do not agree with his decisions but I put my trust in him and support his choices.

Most of the time! There have been a few times, a few issues in which I have questioned his decisions and fought him on them big time. There have also been a handful of times in which I have disobeyed his final decision.

I have found through experience, Jordan typically makes the right choices. He is responsible. He thinks things through. He makes choices with his brain not his heart. Sometimes my heart gets in the way.

But the point of all of this is, I still have a voice. Jordan still values my opinion and ultimately it is my choice whether or not I respect, support and or obey each of  his decisions.

Friday, April 24, 2015

U is for Uncertainty


Uncertainty: the state of being uncertain; doubt; hesitancy


I think, for most of us submissives, in TTWD there is an underlying uncertainty. A constant feeling of questioning this whole thing that can easily be brought to the fore front by many things. 
Maybe you write a post about breaking a rule and someone comments, "You are an adult. You shouldn't need rules." A thought you've probably struggled with yourself over and over again. But it works for you and your dynamic, right? So if it isn't broke why fix it. Do what works for you. Easier said than done I know. But the fact is we question ourselves.. we are uncertain.
Maybe you are reading a blog and someone makes a post that says, "We don't do discipline spankings here. Discipline spankings are for naughty children." Does it make you question your DD dynamic? For me it does. One because it feels like a judgment to those who do do punishments and two because of my own uncertainties of why I need this and if I should just suppress my desires and be "normal".
One of the biggest uncertainties  that plagues me in TTWD is... Does Jordan even want to lead? Does he want a submissive wife? Does it matter to him? and every time  we have a period of inconsistency these uncertainties haunt me. That is why his reassurance and role affirmation are so important to me.
I certainly can't expect him to understand me when I don't understand myself though. The poor guys gotta be confused!
What are your uncertainties in this thing we do?

Thursday, April 23, 2015

T is for Trust

Trust: the belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.

Trust is an integral part of any relationship but the amount of trust needed behind TTWD is way beyond basis trust.

TTWD makes us vulnerable.

TTWD can be rapidly destroyed by a single breach of trust.

One may try to forgive and move forward but once broken it can never be the same again.
In TTWD we share our soles, we reveal our deepest secrets, share our wants and needs, bare our bodies, submit to our Dom's, trust them to spank us, restrain us make us completely at their mercy. I do believe TTWD is one of the biggest displays of trusts there is.  


Wednesday, April 22, 2015

S is for snippet


Please enjoy a snippet of a role affirmation scene from one of my works in progress:)
“Savannah,” I said snuggling into her. “You’re not yourself. I know something isn’t right. You’ve been kind of down like this once in a while lately and I want you to tell me why. What’s going on?”
“I really don’t want to talk about it, she said. “I told you I’m tired. I just want to get some sleep.”
“Hmm is that an attitude I’m hearing,” I questioned her.
“No Sir.”
I placed my hand on her back and gently rubbed her back and bottom. “I can’t let this sullen mood continue my luv. I am going to insist you tell me what is going on. Now, turn around and face me and tell me what’s going on.
She obeyed and turned towards  me. She had tears running down her face. I gently attempted to dry them with my thumb and pulled her into a tight embrace. “Aww Savannah,” I whispered. “It kills me to see you so sad. Come on, talk to me tell me what’s the matter .”
She looked at me with pleading eyes. I knew she really didn’t want to talk.
“Do I need to spank you to get you to talk to me,” I questioned her.
“No Hilton please don’t,” she answered quickly. “That’s the thing. I’m not sure I want to do this anymore.”
What? I thought to myself. That was the last thing I was expecting her to say. I was dumbfounded. Why would she say that? Things had getting been so much better since DD became a part of our lives.  
“Why,” I questioned her confused.
“It’s just… I shouldn’t need this. I shouldn’t need spankings or corner time or any punishments at all for that matter. I’m a grown adult for goodness sake,” she responded starting to sob.
“That’s non sense,” I growled.  “I cannot even believe that we are having this conversation again! We both know how much better things have been for our entire household with DD. Who cares what you  should need. This is what we do. It works. End of story. There are a lot of out couples out there who do this very same thing. We aren’t even going to the I shouldn’t need this place. Now, I want you to turn over flat on your belly right this instant. A good spanking will calm you right down.”
“Please don’t make me…”
“One,” I counted. “Two, three..”
“Ok ok, I’m turning over,” she pouted.
She knew if I got to five it would earn her an additional set of spanks with an unwelcomed implement of my choice. Stalling had become a bad habit of hers and the countdown method is how I fixed it. She stalled, I started counting. If I got to five she received five additional swats after the conclusion of her regular spanking. After five if she didn’t obey I started back at one. After earning ten or more extra strikes, typically with the tilt wand on an already well spanked bottom, our stalling problem disappeared quickly.
She turned on her belly and I pulled at the top on her panties sliding them down reviling her pale white twin globes. She didn’t resist. She even lifted her hips to assisting me with sliding them down.
I began slapping her butt with moderate spanks as I spoke reassuringly to her. “We are not quitting DD. It is a part of us now. I am your leader. You will obey me. When you slip up your bottom will be thoroughly spanked. Is that understood Savannah?”
“Yes Sir,” she whined.
I spanked her sit spots repeatedly until her bottom was a nice pink and it starting stinging enough that she started to squirm.
"That my girl," I said while rubbing her bottom. I slipped my finger in her slit and she was wet. I continued exploring her creases with my fingers while I spoke to her softly. "DD is a part of us now. A secret between you and me. It works for us. That is all that matters," I continued as I slipped a finger inside of her.
Savannah arched her back and moaned while she began moving her bottom up and down while my finger slipped in and out of her.
"Oh no, slow down little one. We aren't done spanking this gorgeous booty yet," I said applying a sharp slap to her right cheek as I moved to the edge of the bed.  "Now climb over here. I want that little butt over my knee."

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

R is for Role Affirmation

Since I ventured into blog land I have run into a lot of talk about Role Affirmation spankings. At first I didn't really see the difference between role affirmation and reminder spankings but I have finally figured it out, at least within Jordan and I's arrangement.
Reminder Spankings are good for times when no major spankable offence has been committed but behavior and attitude are beginning to become an issue or as a reminder prior to an event such as being spanked before a shopping trip when overspending has been an issue in the past.
Role Affirmation is different.
Role = a part or character played by an actor or actress.
Affirmation = confirmation or ratification of the truth or validity of a prior judgment, decision, etc.

Role + Affirmation = Confirmation of the truth or validity of a part played.

Role Affirmation Spanking= a spanking administered along with verbal confirmation of both the HOH's and submissive roles and responsibility's. Useful in situations such as second guessing TTWD, or distancing withdrawal by the submissive partner.

When I ask Jordan for a spanking, role affirmation is typically what I'm asking for. I want him to spank me while affirming verbally that he is the boss and I will obey him and what the consequences will be should I choose not to. I want him to tell me that he loves me, that everything will be ok, that he's got me always no matter what. I want him to calm whatever fear, stress or worry that is causing me to pull away.

I want him to spank moderately hard. Push me a little bit past the ouch this really hurts, squirm try to get away level but not to a hard punishment spanking level and then I want him to make love to me.

When I feel the need for this type of thing I'm overly sensitive, emotional, lost deep within the thoughts in my head. That's when I need to know 'he's got this" the most.

We aren't there yet but I hope we are someday. Jordan has perfected the art of spanking but he typically spanks in silence. I know the reasoning behind each one but I long to hear him say them. Especially during those times when I'm questioning myself and / or my desire for TTWD.


What are your thoughts on role affirmation spankings? What do they mean to you?

Monday, April 20, 2015

Q is for Quit



Jordan and I have started and stopped DD a few times during our journey. Sometimes it has just faded away. At least twice I've said, "I quit."
I read about this kind of thing on blogs all the time unfortunately :(
For us I believe the on again off again is because Jordan isn't as invested in DD as I am. He likes the results. Wants the submissiveness and obedience but doesn't really buy into the need for discipline or punishments. When times are tough Jordan lets everything slide until I get angry and rebel. Then he reaches his limit and wants to punish and I refuse because we haven't been doing DD and in my mind we aren't doing it anymore.
Ultimately his HOHiness kicks in. In truth it is what I want and so when he gives it.... its hard to resist. So the punishment happens. Things calm down and are smooth and then he lets things slide...
It is a vicious cycle, a bad merry go round that it seems many of us are on.
But after that last I quit, I vowed I would quit no more.
When it is good, as it is currently is, it is really good and if I said I quit it wouldn't be being truthful with myself or Jordan because when he is ready to step up I ultimately bend over.
So, when I write it all down and really think about it... DD is always there, it is now a part of us. The part that varies is how quick Jordan is to respond. When there is a delay I feel the loss and assume DD is over but should I push hard enough I am sure to "feel" that it has just lying dormant.  

Saturday, April 18, 2015

P is for playful

Typically I blog about the negative. Things that end with punishments or spanking. So I decided today I would share the playful side of Jordan and I.

Jordan is a teaser :)~
He likes to joke around and laugh a lot.
He always has a witty comeback.
One of the things he does that I really love is change the words to songs we are listening to.
He turns them into lyrics that fit us.
Sometimes he is silly about it but sometimes it can be really romantic<3
In our free time we like to:

Support our very own little ballerina:)
Our daughter is on her 4th year of dance
and this year is doing 5 total acts for her recital!
Spend time with our little guy on the track.
This is his first year racing:)
Support our favorite Supercross stars, trackside or on TV
In the summer we do lots of car shows.
We have and older style and a new Camaro.
At home we enjoy game nights. We do all kinds of games but Guitar Hero is one of our favorites. I get to feel like a rock star :)~
Tell me something fun about you!

Friday, April 17, 2015

O is for Obey

When Jordan and I got married I customized our entire wedding. I picked out every single reading. When I was searching for wedding vows one of the most important things I was looking for was to make sure it included to love, honor and obey. When I look back to that time I find it odd that including "obey" was so important to me but if I'm honest, truthfully, I knew I wanted a husband who was going to lead and take care of me.


I didn't have that though. Jordan rarely stood up to me prior to DD. I'd push wanting him to stand strong and he would crumble, go with the flow, do what I wanted. I made the decisions. I controlled our money. I made our plans. Until... we had our children. Then he wasn't as willing to compromise. Even though that's what I thought I wanted when he started resisting my decisions it made me angry. I had grown accustomed to running things. 
Relinquishing control wasn't easy once we agreed to DD. It took time and many spankings but I would do it all over again. Honestly I wish we had of started our relationship off that way. Our marriage is so much stronger since we've started living it the way God intended us to.  

I totally agree with Candace...

If I renewed my wedding vows today, to love, honor and obey would still be an integral part of what I would want to say. Would you vow to OBEY?

Thursday, April 16, 2015

N is for Never

Since beginning Domestic Discipline I have discovered some
Something's that will surely end in a
bad way should I choose to do them.
Let's look at the  NEVER top 5
1. Never walk away when Jordan is talking to me.
2. Never respond with "Whatever"
3. Never go to bed angry
4. Never go out without a charged phone
5. Never outright refuse to obey a command
What are your NEVER NEVER  NEVERS ???