Uncertainty: the state of being uncertain; doubt; hesitancy
I think, for most of us submissives, in TTWD there is an underlying uncertainty. A constant feeling of questioning this whole thing that can easily be brought to the fore front by many things.
Maybe you write a post about breaking a rule and someone comments, "You are an adult. You shouldn't need rules." A thought you've probably struggled with yourself over and over again. But it works for you and your dynamic, right? So if it isn't broke why fix it. Do what works for you. Easier said than done I know. But the fact is we question ourselves.. we are uncertain.
Maybe you are reading a blog and someone makes a post that says, "We don't do discipline spankings here. Discipline spankings are for naughty children." Does it make you question your DD dynamic? For me it does. One because it feels like a judgment to those who do do punishments and two because of my own uncertainties of why I need this and if I should just suppress my desires and be "normal".
One of the biggest uncertainties that plagues me in TTWD is... Does Jordan even want to lead? Does he want a submissive wife? Does it matter to him? and every time we have a period of inconsistency these uncertainties haunt me. That is why his reassurance and role affirmation are so important to me.
I certainly can't expect him to understand me when I don't understand myself though. The poor guys gotta be confused!
What are your uncertainties in this thing we do?
Great post Lillyana! I think we all question and over think from time to time, but the important thing is that we know it works for us and our relationship. That is what matters at the end of the day.
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Roz
Hi Roz :) Thanks. I agree. Whatever works for each individual couple is best :)
DeleteHi Lillyanna, thank you for this great post. I guess uncertainty will always return, because I think that people who do ttwd often try harder to make a relationship work. There is a lot of effort from our side in it and we wonder if we are doing the best we can. Overthinking? Yes. And yes, we do the best, I’d say. And, yes I am an adult, and one of the things where I can see this best is in me accepting that I need rules to live by to make me a better version of myself, to strengthen our relationship to a degree that I have never known without dd and ttwd. So, I have these uncertainties, but since our life has been better than anything I have known before ttwd, my uncertainty is not whether I want ttwd. I do want ttwd, for sure. My doubts usually come from wondering whether hubby can always see how much I need ttwd and whether I do show how much I want this, especially in those times when I am not my best self. I love this post, thank you for sharing.
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Nina
Hi NiNa:) I love the "I need rules to make me my best self". So true! I think our rules reflect that. Most of my doubts also stem from if Jordan understands too. But I also have plenty of uncertainties when I try to figure out the why's behind ttwd. Sometimes I have to make myself step back and stop thinking. {hugs} Lilly
DeleteHi! I really liked this post and I will tell you why. I think it relates to everybody. I think anyone in a relationship, DD or not, kinky or not- has moments of doubt and uncertainty. Why aren't we like everyone else? How come what works for them just doesn't work for us? I think it just is. No two people are alike and not two relationships are alike.
ReplyDeleteBut it is nice to know we aren't alone in our questioning and uncertainty.
Hi Casey:) Blog land is very helpful in letting us know we are not alone. Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteGreat post! This is definitely something everyone struggles with from time to time. Honestly for the most part, I think I've stopped questioning it for myself. I spent way too much time and energy doing that, it works for us and that's just it. I tend to try and ignore the judgement from other bloggers about different dynamics. Seems a little silly to judge one lifestyle over another :)
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Hi Jennelle:) I'm getting much better at trying not to judge but I haven't gotten good at not letting other people's judgement get to me. I'm glad you have! I'm working on it:)
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