After my last post I spoke with Jordan about my desire to
start maintenance spankings in addition to our normal punishment spankings.
We discussed it for a while and Jordan stood firm that he
was not interested in maintenance.
His reasoning is what we are doing is working well.
He is concerned that maintenance will get me “used” to
spankings and punishments won’t be as effective.
Last but not least. Discipline is serious. Pleasure is play.
Play is erotic.
So while I still don’t like punishment spankings we are
experimenting more with erotic spankings and adding some D/s play into it.
I can’t complain… Actually… it has been pretty amazing.
Well whatever works for the two of you both is what counts the most!
ReplyDeleteI know initially we tried punishment only. Back then Barney couldn't find things to justify spanking me for ( um, yeah things might have changed a bit since then *wink*). Anyway we switched to r/a ( role affirmation, reconnection appointments...maintenance). Barney then became worried that punishments wouldn't be effective, or different than maintenance. And you know what? For a while they weren't. After much discussion, and different implements and positions they were different.~ physically. Emotionally they always have been different for me. For *us* r/a brings me back to him. It resets me. It removes stress. Punishment is punishment only. We don't necessarily feel closer after, sometimes in fact I am quite ticked~ LOL.
IMHO erotic spankings for some probably provide the same 'relief' as r/a or maintenance. Regardless, if you are both now content in the direction ttwd is taking your relationship, terminology means nothing.
Good for you for excepting his answer Lillyanna!
willie
Thanks for posting Wilma:) it is nice to know that Jordan isn't only one who has those concerns. I too often feel ticked after punishments lol :)~ I don't like his answer but I'm respecting it and I'm very pleased that he is trying to pleasure me with erotic spankings!
DeleteI think your husband's statements make sense. If he feels things are working well, remember he's the leader and the one you're trying to please. My husband reads so much in DD about rules/consequences and he wonders if there's enough praise or rewards. He knows that I'm the one who first discussed spanking, so he uses erotic spankings as a reward sometimes or a medium spanking when I am really stressing out and then leading into good sex. So many blogs speak of Hoh's losing interest in DD and it may be they just don't want to be a harsher and harsher disciplinarian as time goes on. Go slow and keep discussing and your own style will evolve.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your advice anon... I'm respecting his decision. We are going slow and life is good:)
DeleteHi Lillyanna, I'm glad you are finding what works for you. We pretty much started with punishment and erotic spankings. Rick didn't like the idea of maintenance/role affirmation spanking.
ReplyDeleteWe eventually introduced it and it was so different to discipline. I think because of the different emotions and intentions behind it and brought a deeper level of closeness.
I think Rick, like your husband was also worried it would lessen the effectiveness of punishment spankings ... it didn't! LoL
Hugs
Roz
Very interesting. I've never been spanked erotically in real life - just dream about it. My hubby's not in good shape at the moment so I doubt we could do it now. Hopefully someday.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog. It was lovely visiting with you. Ashley Ladd