feeling: an emotional state or reaction.
Once upon a time a few years ago a good friend of mine taught me a very important lesson about feelings that I had forgotten about until just recently.
I came across this post https://quietlysurrendering.wordpress.com/2015/05/05/when-it-all-began/ written by Kate over at Quietly Surrendering recently and the lesson came back into memory and hit me like a ton of bricks.
Jordan and I had been having a really good streak. He was leading I was following and life was good, like really good, until we had a minor disagreement. It was over something silly but it "hurt my feelings" and instead of just getting over it I held on to the hurt. I distanced myself and Jordan let me. We didn't turn to what DD had taught us to do and that night we found ourselves going to sleep like this...
Instead of our normal...
or
The next day we continued to be cold toward one another. Jordan didn't text me on and off all day like he usually does, he didn't kiss me when he got home from work, that evening we had conversation with the kids but not one another, he didn't touch me in passing or when I climbed into bed that night and he fell asleep without me again.
Soon I found myself sobbing in bed like this:
With Jordan snoring next to me oblivious to my distress.
I laid there with my brain running wild. Thinking that Jordan didn't love me and he must not want DD anymore because we were going to bed angry for the second night in a row and that our marriage couldn't survive if we went back to living this way. I couldn't live feeling unloved all the time or with someone who could turn their love on and off like a light switch. My mind went on and on. The tears continued to fall and I cried myself to sleep feeling like things between Jordan and I were awful.
Thankfully the next morning I came across Kate's post which stopped my rapid downhill spiral before I said anything hurtful to Jordan about any of these "feelings" I was having like I sometimes do when things "feel" this way.
The post reminded me that "it's only a feeling, feelings pass". That very important lesson my friend once taught me.
I felt unloved but if I had thought about it rationally I knew Jordan loved me very much. I made a mountain out of something silly. I needed to let it go which I did. I apologized. Jordan came home, he was loving and I felt as if everything was going to be ok again.
Have you ever let your feelings run wild?
Hi Lillyanna, I am sorry that you had this. To answer your question, yes feelings running wild happens to me all the time. I need hubby's reassurance, his support, the attention he shows with the little things, like touching, kissing, a friendly word, being told that he loves me. Obviously I am needy, and a day without any of this is a bad day. And I do know hubby loves me, but it doesn't stop myself from this running wild easily. Haha, on the positive side, I have become better with this over time. I am just happy that your downhill spiral stopped after a while, because this easily leads to places where nobody should be.
ReplyDeletehugs
Nina
Great post, Lillyanna. Feelings do run wild sometimes. Keep the faith. Things so turn out for the best.
ReplyDeleteMeredith
Hi Lillyana, I'm sorry you went through this. Feelings run wild here on occasion.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
I think I always hoped this was something we'd grow out of...if you could remember life through the eyes of a child, this is how we looked at the emotions early on. If someone was mad at us, then that means they don't love us and/or that they must hate us. Of course, that was never true then - just as it isn't true now. Just because we are older and a bit wiser doesn't mean we still don't feel those same old insecurities and think in extremes. That's when we need reassurance. I don't like walking away from an argument because of these feelings so what works better for me if he wants to walk away is for him to say something like "I love you but I/we need to go cool off" or "I hear your point. Let me think about it." This ends the argument, tells me he is listening, and Look! He still loves me! I know it sounds silly, but it certainly makes me feel better when he tries it.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
ReplyDeleteFeelings do get a little crazy at times, I know for me..I try to sleep on it lol. They just don't seem as intense in the morning, but I also do feel like you're entitled to feel what you're feeling. It's just to muddle through because the past and so many insecurities cloud our mind too, or mine at least. Hope you're feeling much better and I'm glad Jordan gave you that reassurance :)