Confused

Jordan spanked me only seven days ago. A “real” spanking. A punishment spanking. So, I can’t understand why I am already longing to be over his knee again. Truthfully I don’t understand why I want Jordan to spank me at all. Honestly I feel pretty ashamed by it.

I don’t like punishment spankings. I get very panicked before Jordan punishes me. I continue to struggle with preparing for punishments and staying in place for spankings. I, like most spanked wives, love the feelings that being punished give me. I like feeling loved, cherished, safe and taken care of. I love what it does to our relationship. I love how we always feel reconnected and “in love” after a spanking.

Jordan and I were having a big fight before my last spanking. We spent some time giving one another the silent treatment, went to bed angry and ended up text fighting. I feel very insecure about my relationship when things aren’t going well between Jordan and me. After the spanking I felt like in an instant everything had changed. Prespanking Jordan was angry and disappointed in me. I was frustrated and angry with him. Post / during spanking I felt Jordan’s love for me and those bad feelings were gone.

I didn’t cry from the spanking but my bottom was very sore and I was in a very submissive state of mind after the punishment. Jordan held me tight right on his lap. I felt loved cherished cared for even thankful that he had punished me. A sore bottom was a small price to pay to end the destructive feelings that we were having.

Often after spankings I have a strong desire to please Jordan. Intercourse is not allowed immediately after punishments because Jordan doesn’t want me to associate the pain of a spanking with the pleasure of intercourse. He feels it would defeat the “try to avoid” punishment purpose. I am allowed to pleasure Jordan though and I often pleasure him orally to thank him for “leading” me.

I pleasured Jordan after my last punishment. Then Jordan and I snuggled and watched some TV. Jordan asked me to rub his neck and I did so happily. After the massage Jordan held me tight and we went to sleep. In the morning I heard Jordan’s alarm and I woke up with him and we talked and snuggled in bed. Jordan had to work that day and I truly missed him while he was gone. My bottom was still sore and when I sat down I was turned on. I wanted Jordan inside of me. I sent him naughty text messages throughout the day.

When Jordan got home from work I met him excitedly at the door. I made him one of his favorite dinners and deserts. He helped me with the finishing touches in the kitchen. We flirted playfully and Jordan fondled my bottom every chance that he had. We worked together to get things picked up and we put the kids to bed as a team.

As soon as the kids went to bed I gave Jordan a nice back massage without him asking and he rewarded me with some passionate love making. Things felt wonderful between us and we were happy.

As time passed I feel like things are slipping back to the norm. Jordan tells me to do something and I resent it. I fall asleep when Jordan’s watching TV. Intimacy is average and I feel as though sometimes pleasuring Jordan is a chore. I have a bad attitude and respond to him with sassiness. I don’t have the eagerness to please him. How can things change so fast? I don’t understand. I want things to feel good again. Unfortunately I don’t know anything other than a spanking that will do the trick.

Jordan also noticed the change in my attitude. He came right out and asked me if I needed a spanking last night and he was giving me the you’re on thin ice “look” frequently. I even thought he might even spank me for my attitude last. I don’t want a spanking though. I just want the feelings that come along with a spanking back.

Am I crazy? Should I already need to be spanked again? Do any of you have similar feelings?