Friday, August 22, 2014

I Don't Like Spankings Anymore


 
 
I used to like getting spanked. I fantasized about it for years before I finally confessed to Jordan that the thoughts of being spanked and dominated really turned me on.

After I told him my fantasy, he spanked me playfully from time to time. A few swats here and there mostly and some hard smacks during sex. I really liked what he gave me but I craved so much more. Confessing what I really wanted was too embarrassing so I took what I could get and left the rest to my fantasies.

Real spankings were only a wish until we were introduced to Domestic Discipline during our marriage counseling. I had never heard of DD before but the more I learned about it, the more it sounded so much like what I had always wanted.

When Jordan spanked me playfully in the past I always wished there was a reason for it. I wanted him to scold me when he spanked me. I wanted to feel “punished”. More importantly I wanted to feel forgiven, taken care of and loved. The thoughts of that got me hot.

After we started domestic discipline our sex life got so much better and more adventurous. We tried things that I had never even thought of before. At first we had sex almost every day.  Prior to DD sex sometimes felt like a chore to me. I kind of felt ashamed of allowing it to feel good. I was brought up with the idea sex was dirty and for men to enjoy.

 Introducing spanking and domination into our lives brought my sexuality to life. I started reading a lot about DD which lead to reading spanking romances and blogs. I learned a lot and craved being spanked and dominated  and enjoyed sex so much more.

Spankings were supposed to be a punishment and avoided… but I craved them. They were painful but the feelings of being loved and cared for and extremely turned on by them  made the pain more than worth it. In time Jordan got tired of me “bratting” him into spanking me and then the spankings changed…

Although the spankings in the past came with a lecture and served a purpose to deter a negative behavior they had always had an erotic feel to them. When Jordan spanked he would position me OTK or over pillows on the bed. He would caress in between sets of smacks. He often sent me to the corner and admired his handiwork as I stood naked with my spanked bottom bared to him.  His fingers would wonder and find my wetness. Sometimes they would even find my backdoor and he would test my submission. Those spankings always ended with intercourse that was hot and intense.

Now punishment spankings are very different. They are not sexual and I definitely try to avoid them. Which is the point of DD after all right? Jordan uses the tilt wand. He tells me how many lashes I have earned. He orders me to undress and get into position. I either lay on my stomach on the bed or bend over the edge of the bed. I can never make myself comply with his commands so extra strikes are always added. (You think I would learn because he always follows through with the promised additions.) Finally I assume position and he spanks. The strikes are painful and I find it very difficult to maintain position. Jordan often makes me count each strike out loud. When it is finally over he offers comfort and sometimes I thank him for his consistency and discipline by pleasing him orally.

Sounds perfect to many of you I’m sure. It is perfect for DD. I know he is doing everything perfectly. Text book punishment spanking but it isn’t how I imagined it. It isn’t how I thought it would be. It is Jordan’s version of punishment. It is effective. He is fair. I always deserve the spanking and he even lets a lot slide but I miss the old spankings. I miss the hot sex after the spankings.

So I have asked for maintenance spankings. I asked for them to be done in the old way with some erotic aspects added back in. Since it isn’t a punishment really, I asked for sex to be allowed afterword’s. I think if it serves as a reminder of who is the boss and what our roles are it will still put me in a submissive mindset. I will still feel loved and taken care of and It will make it easier for me to maintain my role in-between punishments. (Hopefully it will lessen the need for punishments.) And we will have hot sex and reconnect on a regular basis.

I hope Jordan wants those moments back too and I can crave and enjoy spankings once again.

12 comments:

  1. I had a girl friend once tease me, that ' it is pretty difficult to have time to get in trouble if you are getting maintenance spankings all the time! " It does seem to keep us closer together. I do miss the 'realness' of a dominating punishment spanking at times. That is not to say that our r/a spankings are a walk in the park- they are every bit as physically difficult if not more than a punishment one, but the vibe around it is different.

    Good luck with your request !
    willie

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    1. I'm sure I will still get in " real " trouble Willie :)- But your right the vibe is totally different. I think I can with stand a lot more pain when it isn't so serious and the guilt isn't there.

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  2. I wouldn't be surprised if Jordan doesn't miss the erotic spankings too if they led to lots of touching and good sex. Communicate with him about it. He can still make the rules for the punishment ones and avoid caressing or sex afterwards.
    I hope he doesn't use meaintenance too strictly and will give in to your desires for erotic ones occasionally.

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    1. Thanks for commenting Anon. I hope he misses them but he isn't a spanko. Spanking isn't his turn on. He is fair though so I don't think he will be too harsh with maintenance. The good thing is he knows how to make it erotic and make it feel so good. Now... just convincing him to do it:)

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  3. I totally agree. Real punishment spankings are not like you imagine they will be and H like Jordan tried for a while to abstain from all other activities after a punishment, even cuddling. It was awful, made me feel so alone and left me feeling unforgiven. He was trying to work his way round this 'how will spanking her stop unwanted behaviour if it's spanking she craves, is it not just rewarding it?' Thing that clouds his head from time to time. We don't do regular maintenance now really but there are sort of levels of discipline and I do feel it as a warning too if he thinks I might be headed in that direction, which often puts a stop to the need for a full blown punishment. Plus get has just relaxed a bit and seems happier to get close again after spanking.
    I think it's all about learning and growing, trying and adjusting.
    Nice blog by the way!

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    1. Hi Janey. Thanks for the complement:) I totally understand where the HOH's struggle with the idea of punishing us with what we "like" spanking. For me the guilt of disappointing Jordan is the worst part. I like your levels:)

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  4. Wow, I'm SO glad you wrote this post. I relate to the entire first half--detail for detail. We just started DD a few months ago, and so far it's gone swimmingly--I get SO turned on, it's ridiculous. It has an intense erotic aspect to it, and I'm almost scared for what is to come, cause I wonder to myself if we are completely defeating the purpose of punishment (which I DO take seriously) by having wild, hot animal sex afterward. I wonder how this can be punishment when it turns me on so much, and sometimes I get worried that he will think I'm not taking it seriously and do exactly what you have described in the second half of your post.

    I think DD can be whatever we want it to be. It's not erotic for some; it is for others. It used to be for you, and it is now for me, but may not be in the future. We *want* it to be erotic, so we should strive to make it that way, and I'm so rooting for you and Jason--I hope so much that you can make it a turn-on once again--make it enjoyable AND effective. I very much believe it can be both, and you give me hope!

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    1. You made me giggle with the wild hot animal sex Autumn:)- The good news is sex has continued to be pretty amazing even without the spankings. Jordan being dominant and experimenting with new things has kept things hot. Plus even though sex isn't a part of our DD anymore... the spanking still turn me on:)~

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  5. I had this same conversation with Austin last night. I bought a cute little hairbrush and teased him about "fun" spankings. He likes spanking so I think it won't be too hard to fit a few sexier and less painful spankings into our lives occasionally. A post I read on the "Her Mischief Managed" blog really hit home - about the effect of spankings to help with the softening and feeling taken care of.

    BTW, I just started a new blog, feel free to check it out if you like :-)

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    1. Hi Gray:) Thanks for letting me know you were here. I will check out your blog!

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  6. I prefer maintenance as well. If the maintenance isn't regular I find I get into trouble and you're right, the punishments are awful. Just got one with the cane for the first time last night. OW!!! I like the OTK position but if the kids are in the house we have to use the shed and we can't do it there. Looking forward to school starting up so we can go back to doing them in the house at lunch time.

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  7. The cane! Ouch... Jordan's favorite punishment implement is the tilt wand and it is almost silent. So it can be used at anytime.

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