A very wise lady recommended that I read a book called, "Spank Her" by Devlin O'Neil. It was a great book and I really appreciate her recommending it! The book explains the man's view of TTWD. We practice domestic discipline and erotic spanking and I didn't know a lot about TTWD but it turns out it can mean many different things. Anyways the book helped me understand a lot of the feelings that I have had for a very long time. At times I felt as though he could read my mind. I also shared the book with Jordan. Hopefully he will read it and learn some things about me/us too.
As an update about Jordan and I. I did not call dd quits. I've promised myself I won't withdraw consent. I know that DD is what I truly want and it makes me happy. We will take things one day at a time and with or without spankings we will make things work. I did get spanked. I didn't submit as gracefully as I would like to be able to. I did not refuse and I think if I would have I would have only gotten it worse:)-
Thanks to everyone who offered their prayers, kind words and advice. I truly appreciate it:)
Until next time,