Yesterday I did something Jordan didn’t like. I was putting groceries away and he was sternly telling me never to do that something again. I was telling him I would do it again if I wanted to and then he got quiet. Quiet usually means trouble so that isn’t good.
We went outside to play with the kids for a while after the food was put away. I was angry with Jordan. He asked me a question and I didn’t answer which lead him to tell me to lose my attitude. We were outside and he didn’t say it quietly and I didn’t want anyone to hear anything so I did my best to play nice.
We recently purchased a badminton set and we were trying to teach the kids how to play. They were easily distracted and soon Jordan and I found ourselves on each side of the net with rackets in our hands. Jordan said, “Here’s your chance Lillyanna Rose. You’re getting 20 lashes tonight for your disrespectful behavior. If you can beat me in this game we will forget about them. At first I was angry because I didn’t want 20 lashes or any lashes for that matter! But, Jordan was serving and I wanted to at least try to get out of the punishment so I did my best to try to win. The game was fun. A few times we were tied but Jordan won.
The playfulness eased the tension over the disagreement and the punishment was forgotten until I put the kids were asleep. I knew once they were sleeping the “twister” (tilt wand ) was coming out and I was getting 20 lashes. 20 lashes with the twister is a lot!!! I haven’t been doing very well with submitting to spankings so I tried to psych myself up and get in the submissive mindset to just obey Jordan and do what he tells me to but it didn’t work :/
Jordan got out of bed to make sure the kids were sleeping and came back in the bedroom and locked the door. He got the twister and told me to take my panties off but I couldn’t move. Jordan’s voice got increasingly stern but I didn’t budge. Then he grabbed my arm and brought me to the edge of the bed. ( Not sure how to get better at this part? Any ideas? What do your HOH’s do if you don’t obey their commands? ) I removed my panties, got in position and buried my head in the bed.
Jordan rested his hand on my bottom. He said, “you are getting 10 strikes. You will count each one. Do you understand Lillyanna?” “Crack” “When I tell you not to do something you say yes Sir. You do not tell me what you are going to do. If you do we will end up back here.” “Crack” I shot up trying to protect my butt. Jordan gently pushed me back down. “I don’t hear any counting Lillyanna Rose! We are starting over.” (Crack) One (whack) Two (Swat) Three please stop Jordan it hurts too much! (Crack) four (Swat) five (Whack) Please Jordan you’re hurting me. (Swat) six “That’s the point Lilly. Spankings hurt” Jordan says. (Whack) (Whack) (Whack) seven, eight, nine Oww Jordan oww please stop (Craaaaaack) ten. Then Jordan rubbed and spanked each cheek with his hand.
I did an awful job submitting to the punishment. I feel really bad about that. The sting in my bottom was intense but faded fast. Jordan held me in bed but I didn’t really even want to be held. He wanted me to pleasure him and I did but it wasn’t like it normally is after a punishment. Usually I feel super close to Jordan after a punishment and the intimacy after a spanking is usually intense. I know he could tell things weren’t the same but he didn’t do or say anything. After pleasuring him instead of snuggling with him I got on my side of the bed and faced the wall.
Maybe the spanking wasn’t enough. The twister is intense and I was so focused on just getting through the pain. I didn’t allow myself to submit to Jordan. I never got to the point that I was sorry for what I said. I didn’t reach the point of just accept the spanking I deserve it. Today my bottom isn’t sore. I don’t have that just spanked high. He gave me what I wanted. I wanted this DD relationship and this time I feel like I failed him.