Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Status Quo
First I want to thank all of you who welcomed me to the world of blogging:) I am excited that my blog has reached over 120 hits. Pretty exciting! I have also enjoyed reading many of your blogs too and have done my best to say hello and introduce myself.
As far as DD goes things are “status quo”. I haven’t been feeling well (I have a chronic autoimmune disease) and that kind of puts things on hold for Jordan. Sometimes when I am sick is when I feel like I really need DD the most! It isn’t easy to maintain a submissive mind set and positive attitude when you’re experiencing a lot of pain. Unfortunately, Jordan usually ends up taking the brunt of my frustration. Sometimes I lose my patience with my kids which I feel super bad about: / So those are instances where I wish Jordan would step in and “help” me cope better with the pain and not feeling well. He disagrees though.
So, thankfully I am feeling better and I text Jordan if we could reconnect last night with some maintenance and some play time. He didn’t respond:| We did get a chance to reconnect last night though. We watched a movie together (Blended, it was a cute movie) and then reconnected romantically <3 It was wonderful of course but I was a little disappointed that we didn’t get back on track with DD.
I even broke a “rule” last night. Jordan scolded our son. He cried (he is very sensitive) and I got upset with Jordan for making him cry. I told him he should have used a softer tone… No punishment just a scolding for myself for interfering with his parenting.
I really need to accept that Jordan gets to decide when to spank and when and if he wishes to punish. Easier said than done!
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Hello Lillyanna - thank you for commenting on my blog.
ReplyDeleteI'm not in a DD relationship - so I'm not a fountain of advice on those issues. I am an author though - which genre do you write in?
DF
Hi DF. Thanks for commenting. Feels like I'm talking to myself here :)~ I am an aspiring author. I'm currently working on a series of DD fiction about a couple being introduced and living the lifestyle. Hoping to get published. Just trying to figure out the best way to go about it :)
ReplyDeleteThere are is closed group of spanking fiction writers including DD writers on FB. They're a friendly bunch and encourage new authors. Also a good way to start is to share snippets of your works in progress on Saturday Spankings blog hop. You're welcome to email me.
DeleteThanks DF I will email you this week :)
ReplyDeleteFOUND you! phew. Roz asked me to, and boy did I try. Okay email me if you want and I will help you 'fix' your google profile so that you can direct people to your blog when they click on it. It is really just a case of adding a link under your profile. ( copy and paste your address bar from a post but stop after blogspot.com or ca or uk- whatever you have there)
ReplyDeleteAnyway...I know exactly what you are talking about here Lillyanna. It takes some men ( my husband included) a really long time to get comfortable with the entire punishment idea. He still talks himself out of it by seeing how he contributed to my outburst ( as an example).
What helped us was to talk at night about the day. In your scenario, you could ask him how he felt when you scolded him. Ask him if it occurred to him or not to spank you at that time. I am by no means telling you to expect him to change his mind. Just open the lines of communication a little bit wider.
Hang in there, it does progress-eventually :)
willie
( wilma.barney@gmail.com)
Hey there. Just learned about you and your site. Welcome. I look forward to learning more about you. My site is: mysirmyforeverlove76.blogspot.com. Let me know how I can be of help.
ReplyDeleteYes, join the author group on FB!!
ReplyDeleteI"m hoping to get some spanking action tonight, too...
Hey Lillyanna,
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog today! I know this isn't much of a help, but we've all been there. When we first started out my husband wasn't a naturally dominant guy. It took a lot of talking to get to where we understood each other. Did he just not care about this thing? Did he forget? Those were questions I had to ask. We had to establish what was important to each of us, and it's a little more clear now.
As far as the pain thing goes, I get that too. Especially in the beginning it was hard for Bucko (my husband) to reconcile the idea of "hurting" his wife. I knew he wasn't, but it took time. Couple that with you already being in pain, it can make them slow to act. I know what you are going through myself right now. We are having a baby, and pregnancy has put a whole new spin on TTWD in our house.
Hang in there,
TL
(mrsbucko30@gmail.com)
@ Wilma... Thanks for the welcome! I have seen you on many sites commenting but your site is private hopefully someday I get an invite :) Anyways, talking every night is a great idea but Jordan doesn't like to talk. Our biggest issue is communication I think. He also thinks that I'm never satisfied with how he "does" DD. So questioning his decision about not punishing for breaking the interfering with his parenting rule would probably tick him off. I agree than in time things will fall into place. For now I need to learn to be content with his decisions....
ReplyDelete@ Annabelle Thanks for commenting and introducing yourself! I look forward to checking out your blog:)
@ TL Welcome! As I said I am trying to be patient lol. Good luck with your pregnancy ! Hopefully it doesn't have to change your dynamic too much too soon. I don't envy you for those quiet implements you will have to get used to in time :)-
You know Lillyanna, my husband wasn't a big talker either. He does talk a lot more now. WE all go through that communication thing- and when the wheels fall off of the cart here, that is generally why it does too.
DeleteAnyway, I guess I didn't word it correctly. I didn't mean question his no punishing you the other night, I meant ask him what he was thinking when you scolded him. I'll leave my specific story out of the equation because it would take too long to type up, but something similar happened here and our discussion was basically
W- " Were you angry with me by what I did"
B' "Yes i was"
W' " Did the thought of spanking me enter your mind at the time? "
B" Oh did it ever"
W" Okay, can I ask you why you didn't then? "
B' " Because the kids were home at the time"
W" What about later?"
B" Well later I wasn't angry anymore and I have a hard time when not in the moment. I guess I see how I contributed to your anger, so I thought I would let it go"
W " Oh. Well you know you did contribute to my anger, but that was by accident on your part. I knew what I was doing after the first outbreak. Also don't forget we agreed to this to help our marriage. I understand that sometimes it won't seem fair to me in the future."
And then we talked about other things to do when the kids were home.
Being content with his decisions is the best way to go, however communicating about why he chose that way is not second guessing him, just giving yourself clarification. What can end up happening, at least for those I know, is that you think he didn't notice after a while. He probably did, but men don't really like to talk as you said. When someone feels like the other didn't notice, things can start to slide down hill quite quickly. Something a conversation can stop.
THAT being said, Barney and I had many, many heated discussions at the start because I wasn't communicating in a way he could hear or he wasn't actually listening to me, just preparing his defense. It is an interesting dance that take a lot of work to figure out.
So do what you want with my 'advice' LOL
We have had a similar conversation in the past. He did admit to thinking about spanking but deciding not too. We had a big disagreement about him thinking that I liked to be spanked too. Which I do... but I don't like to punished. Big difference. He has found his weapon of ass destruction as you bloggers say :) the twister (tilt wand)!!!! He is confident that I hate that. Things are going well at the moment. Lets hope it stays that way.
DeleteSorry Renee... I skipped right over you. I hope you got your spanking action last night 8 ) I don't have a Facebook with my pen name yet but I will have to make one. I'm sure they will have lots of advice to offer. Since I am just starting out I can definitely use it!
ReplyDeleteHey again,
ReplyDeleteI was reading your comment to Willie, and had a thought. First, you so aren't alone. Communication is pretty much everyone's biggest issue, especially in the beginning. Lord knows we struggled with it plenty. In the beginning with us, I was also accused of never being satisfied with the way he did DD. I listened to the advise of someone else and it did wonders for us. I can't remember who said it now, but some wise woman said it was almost like dealing with a puppy or a small child. For what it's worth: I praised what I did like. Everything I did like. The way he said something, the tone of voice he used, anything that made me happy I told him so. It made him more confident and more open to suggestion since he wanted to continue to make me happy. Just a thought.
Not that it matters, but it was probably Stormy who told you that. At least she was the one who told me that TL :) I suppose many people find success in that so it could have been anyone!
DeleteGreat idea ladies!!! His love language is words of affirmation:) That might just help!
DeleteHi Lillyanna, nice to meet you. Our relationship is more ttwd than dd so I can't really help you with advice. Just sending sympathy your way. I do know it is not always easy in the beginning and I think from reading the blogs that most of us struggle with consistency, either ours or our HoH's. I t gradually seems to get easier I think. Keep on trying.
ReplyDeletelove Jan,xx
P.S. I am at dancingroses.blogspot.co.uk if you would like to pop in.
Thanks Jan. I will come visit. I have looked at so many! Your name looks familiar but not sure if I've been there. I will say hello when I am there.
DeleteHi Lillyana, thank you for your comment on my blog and welcome to blogland! I'm so glad Willie found your blog for us :)
ReplyDeleteTL wnd Willie have given great advice above. It is hard in the beginning. It does take some time for both partners to become comfortable in their new role and we all struggle with inconsistency. Time and patience.
I would also add we have to let our husband lead 'his way'. Many fall into the trap ofexpecting our husband to lead the way we 'think' they should and consequently when they do start to lead we don't always recognise it.
Above all, communication is key, along with, as TL said, encouraging each other, especially encouraging your husband when he does lead. He may be wondering whether you really want this and encouraging him helps reinforce that you do.
Sorry, I think I've just written a book! LoL
Hugs
Roz
Hello Roz!
DeleteI'm glad you found me too! You've brought along so many friends. I really appreciate that. Sometimes I find myself in a trap where I want us to be just like "so and so". When I get to that point I usually stop reading for awhile and try to focus on us and how Jordan chooses to lead. That helps me. May help someone else too. Thanks for "finding" me. I think the link is now fixed.